Week 4 of the college football season brings a fuller slate of conference games for both the SEC and ACC. Ol’ Van may be starting to get the knack of how to select the losers amongst the South’s best teams, getting just 3 picks wrong last week. So, without further ado, here are Van’s selections for the soon to be Vanquished of the gridiron.
In the marquis match-up of the week, Nick Saban drives his troop of Red Elephants to the hog pen of Fayetteville. Waiting there with freshly sharpened backs will be the Porcine players of the SEC’s most frequent job hopper, Bobby Petrino. Full throated cries of “Sooey Pig” will ring out in Razorback stadium, but those cries will turn into “Wee, wee” all the way home as the Crimson Tide of Alabama washes away the hoglets of Arkansas. Van’s Vanquished, Arkansas.
The second best SEC game of the week pits on team from the Heart of Dixie versus the school from the state that fired the first shot in the name of Dixie. Steve Superior has once again gotten his Gamecocks off to a good start, but their first real challenge of the year awaits them in Jordan-Hare stadium. The USC Roosters may outnumber the Lone War Eagle, but there will be plenty of feathers ruffled by the group of salivating Tigers. Van’s Vanquished, South Carolina.
In another match up of undefeateds, the Bluegrass Wildcats travel to the Swampland of the Sunshine State. UK football so far has postponed, if only briefly, thoughts of roundball in the Commonwealth. Reality will bite though, in the form of a Gator chomp, and the only growling will be coming from a bunch of orange helmeted reptiles. Van’s Vanquished, Kentucky.
Two sets of bulldogs will bring their slobbering selves to the field in Starkville Saturday when one Ag school plays host to another. Georgia and Mississippi State have more than mascots in common, neither wanting their third conference loss this early in the year. The Maroon Mutts have shown their Cowbell Choir signs of promise, but in the end their clappers will be silent as the Red Clay Hounds from Athens will be the ones barking. Van’s Vanquished, Mississippi State.
In an intersectional (a two-dollar word for “non-conference”) contest, the Musket Totters from Morgantown journey south to Louisiane. The Red Stick Welcome Wagon will roll out to greet the Mountaineers, but the visitors from West By God Virginia will find soon out that there’s a Tiger in that wagon’s tank. By night’s end a cool cat named Mike will be the one wearing a coonskin cap. Van’s Vanquished, West Virginia.
In the other SEC games, Ole Miss will vanquish Fresno State, and Tennessee will vanquish UAB.
In the ACC, old Big East rivals open their conference seasons when BC hosts Virginia Tech. The VPIers will be expecting a wide variety of legumes to choose from in Beantown, but instead will only find hard chestnuts as they scratch the Massachusetts hills. Virginia Turkeys are no match for Golden Eagles when it comes to flying contests, and these Hokies are as flightless as they come. Van’s Vanquished, Virginia Tech.
The ACC’s other former Big East squad plays a current Big Easter Thursday night when Miami meets the Panthers of Pittsburgh. If these were the glory days of Big Steel, the skies over the Ohio River would still be clear of smoke when the Hurricanes blow in. The Keystone State Kittie Kats will be the ones Tropically Depressed by the time the U is through. Van’s Vanquished, Pittsburgh.
The team from the capital of the Old North State travels to the capital of the Empire State of the South Saturday when NC State takes on Georgia Tech in Atlanta. The Wolfpack have plenty to howl about so far this year and will do their best to keep their hindquarters from being stung by a swarm of pesky Yellow Jackets. The Carolina Canines forget though that Paul Johnson teams are less air, and more ground, and they’ll more likely be run over by a Wreck than dive bombed from above. Van’s Vanquished, NC State.
After welcoming one religious group from Utah last week, the Seminoles of Florida State say hello to yet another group of evangelizers when Wake Forest comes to Tallahassee. Proselytizing will have to wait though, as Wake will have to be a little more Demon than Deacon to deal with a group of Native Americans on the warpath. The ride back to Winston-Salem will be a might uncomfortable due to the arrows that will have to be pulled out of Baptist backsides. Van’s Vanquished, Wake Forest.
In other ACC action, UNC will vanquish Rutgers, Maryland will vanquish Florida International, and Virginia will vanquish VMI.
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