The Vanquished - Week 1

In tribute to a dearly departed, but not forgotten, pigskin prognosticator, Leonard Postosties, here is one man’s picks of the Losers in this week’s gridiron tussles in the SEC and the ACC. Unfortunately your humble servant, Van Vanwinkle, has no Smart Pill to help him in his predictions or predilections, nor is Percy Peabody standing by to keep him out of trouble. Nevertheless, without further a-do, here are Van’s Vanquished for the first week of college football, 2010.

Les Miles brings his Bayou Bengals to the Georgia Dome Saturday to meet Butch Davis and his cast of Heels from North Carolina. The tar on those Heels won’t help ‘em this time though, as Mike the Tiger and the rest of the LSU felines will be chasing the Baby Blue Ewes out of the building. It’ll be Home Sweet Dome for the Red Stickers, Van’s Vanquished, UNC.

The Garnet and Black Roosters of South Carolina play host to ESPN (and Jenn Brown) on a Thursday night. And oh, Southern Mississippi is their opponent. A lot of feathers will be flying when the Golden Eagles of USM try to swoop down and snatch the Ol’ Ball Coach’s visor, but their wings will be clipped. The Cocks won’t bring much Game, but they won’t have to. Van’s Vanquishes, Southern Miss.

In the Battle of the Bluegrass State, Kentucky is the only SEC team dumb enough, uh, that is, schedule challenged to open its season on the road, playing in the pizza stadium that is home to the Redbirds of Lou-a-vul. New bosses for both the Lexington Lionettes and the Cardinals may make this game interesting, that is to say, boring, but in the end, being the home team is worth 6 slices, uh, points. Van’s Vanquished, Kentucky.

Vandy will play its bowl game at the beginning of the year (it sure won’t play one at the end), when Northwestern comes to town for the SAT Bowl. Normally the Nashville Navy should have little to fear from a bunch of Mildcats from Chicago, but these Purple Kitties only get mad when wet. The Commodores will be watching the smart guys from the Big Ten (or is it Twelve) “Sail On” down the Cumberland River. Van’s Vanquished, Vanderbilt.

In other SEC games:
San Jose State will be vanquished by Alabama.
Tennessee Tech will be vanquished by Arkansas.
Arkansas State will be vanquished by Auburn.
Miami of Ohio will be vanquished by Florida.
Louisiana Lafayette will be vanquished by Georgia.
Jacksonville State will be vanquished by Ole Miss.
Memphis will be vanquished by Mississippi State.
And UT – Martin will be vanquished by Tennessee.

In the ACC, its one true national contender brings Beamer Ball to the nation’s capital on Monday against the Broncos of Boise, State. The boys from the Smurf Turf land will be out to prove that the WAC ain’t whack, while the fellows from Virginia Poly will shake more than their Hokie tailfeathers trying to stop the Idahoans. Dreams of BCS busting will be just that though, as the Gobblers from Tech won’t be fooled by equine trickeration. Van’s Vanquished, Boise State.

Also on Monday the Terrapins of Mary-land will stare down the barrel of the gunboats of the U. S. Naval Academy’s football fleet. The hard shells of Ralph Friedgen’s red and black reptiles should help them fend off the salvos of the Midshipmen. But unfortunately for Maryland, Navy football is a more like a Marine amphibious landing than a carrier attack, and will fear no turtles. No goats to be had this day, Van’s Vanquished, Maryland.

The Southern Conference, the forerunner of both the ACC and the SEC, sends 3 teams to collect a check from their ACC foes.
In the Cats versus Dogs matchup, the Catamounts of Western Carolina will be vanquished by the Wolfpack of N. C. State.

In the game between two teams Bobby Bowden used to coach, the Bulldogs of Samford will be vanquished by Chief Osceola and his band of Seminoles of Florida State.

In the Rose Bowl East, the formerly Fighting Christians of Elon clash with the Methodists of Durham. In an upset (well the upset will be on the part of David Cutcliffe), the Blue Devils of Duke will be vanquished by the risen Phoenix of Elon.

In another battle of Biblical proportions, the Blue Hose of Presbyterian College take on the Baptists of Winston-Salem, but the Good will die young as PC will be vanquished by the Demon Deacons.

Rounding out the ACC slate:
Weber State will be vanquished by Boston College.
North Texas will be vanquished by Clemson.
South Carolina State will be vanquished by Georgia Tech.
And in a bonus upset, the Wahoos of Virginia will be feeling less Cavalier and more Spider-Bit, after being vanquished by Richmond.