It’s Week 3 of Van’s Vanquished, a list of predicted Losers, rather than Winners, in college football, SEC and ACC style. In last week’s contests I doubt even the great Leonard Postosties would have picked one man, James Madison, to beat the entire Virginia Tech squad. There are no sleepers to cause any nightmare picks this time though, so hopefully ol’ Van will get a few less wrong.
Alabama and Duke have the first of two intersectional SEC-ACC games this week, when the Tide visits the cozy confines of Durham. It’s a shame that a high school stadium is named after a former Bama coach. But even if Wallace Wade was prowling the sidelines himself Duke would still be in for a Devil of a time and the Tuscaloosa faithful will turn Tobacco Road Crimson. Van’s Vanquished, Duke.
The other SEC-ACC match up has Tigers versus Tigers, as the felines from the Upstate of South Carolina travel to L. A. (Lower Alabama) as Clemson visits the cats of Auburn. Clemson’s claws will have to be sharper than the butter knives they’ve used so far this season, as Auburn’s stripes are hard to cut. When this rumble in the jungle is over, Alabama native Dabo Swinney and his orange clad crew will be more than ready to leave the Plains and head for the Piedmont. Van’s Vanquished, Tigers, of Clemson.
Bobby Petrino makes a visit to the state he bolted from for the siren Sooie pig call of Arkansas when the Razorbacks come to Georgia. In Hogs against Dawgs, long sharp teeth and speed come in handy. Unfortunately for Ar-Kansas, the most speed they’ll get will be on the spit, as the fellows from the Athens Academy do love their barbecued pork. Van’s Vanquished, Arkansas.
The Gators of Florida swim up the Tennessee River, to the stadium that Neyland built in Knoxville. There the Swamp Denizens will find a pack of coonhounds nipping at their tails. Nip is all those hounds will do, and any would be Alligator Wrasslers will wish they’d Volunteered for another assignment. Van’s Vanquished, Tennessee.
It’s cats agin’ dogs when the guys from Starkville head west to Baton Rouge. Mississippi’s State’s Bulldogs are some tough critters, but in the eye of the Tigers of LSU they’ll look a lot like puppy dogs. Cowbells will be clangin’ as those Maroon Mutts make a beeline for the border with Bayou Bengals on their tails. Van’s Vanquished, Mississippi State.
Once more into the breach sail the Commodores of Vanderbilt when Ole Miss comes to Nashville. After shooting blanks the first week of the season, the Mississippi Rebels increased their gunnery practice and their aim looks to be true against the Nashvillians. The Vandy flotilla will put up a fight, but in their fleet will like matchsticks on the Cumberland. Van’s Vanquished, Vanderbilt.
Closing the SEC slate, Kentucky will vanquish Akron, and South Carolina will vanquish Furman.
Thursday Night Football comes to Raleigh when NC State entertains Cincinnati. The Big East Bearcats will be looking for some Southern hospitality in the Carolina capital city, but the Wolfpack prowling the fairgrounds off I-40 won’t be rolling out the welcome wagon. The Midwesteners from Ohio won’t have much to meow about while the sodbusters of State howl at the moon. Van’s Vanquished, Cincinnati.
The Ramblin’ Wreck of Georgia Tech rolls onto the campus of America’s first state university to find some well rested Tar Heels waiting for them. The town of Chapel Hill has not always been the kindest place for the guys from the big city of Atlanta, and this time will be no different. Paul Johnson’s swarm of Yellow Jackets will be looking for North Carolina sheep to sting but will blue ram horns hard on their tails. Van’s Vanquished, Georgia Tech.
The young men of Maryland go West, to West Virginia that is, to try and make a Shine raid. Mountaineer muskets will be loaded for terrapin though, and hard shells withstanding, there’s a reason why the “smart” money was on the tortoise. The Charlestown chaps won’t need another Marshall Miracle to outrun the College Parkers. Van’s Vanquished, Maryland.
The Hokies of Blacksburg will still be missing some tail feathers (now in the James Madison bonnet) when the Pirates of East Carolina blow into town. Lofty expectations for Virginia Tech now lie dashed beyond repair, and the crew from Greenville, NC will try to add insult to injury. Tech’s pride may be their only ammunition now, but it should be enough to give ECU a not so Jolly Roger afternoon. Van’s Vanquished, East Carolina.
The Seminoles of Florida State return from the not so happy hunting grounds of Indian Territory to have the Cougars of BYU come to town. The young men from Utah won’t be so mission-minded as they see if they can play dial-a-score against a porous Nole defense. The Tallahassee hosts should have their tommyhawks sharpened though, the Osceola choppers will have plenty to chant about. Van’s Vanquished, Brigham Young.
Meanwhile, Wake Forest travels 3 time zones to play a color, and no, the town isn’t Vegas and the color isn’t black or red. The color is Cardinal, of Stanford, and the town is Palo Alto, or Tall Tree. While colors and trees ain’t the most intimidating opponents ever, the Deacons will be out of time and out of sorts having used up so many of their season-allotted points last week. Van’s Vanquished, Wake.
No comments:
Post a Comment